Today is November 17th, 2013. So far, God has been very faithful and has provided me all the money I need. Even some I want. But this week, I’m at the wire.
Let me tell you – I am nervous. I have money coming in the end of this week, money that is in the mail, etc. But I have bills due on Tuesday and Wednesday that I don’t have the money for. YIKES!
I also have to admit I’m not perfect at money. I ate out Friday. I went to the Oklahoma Bar Associations Annual Meeting and learned a lot, but I could have skipped it. I got my Oklahoma Supreme Court Certificate framed. I am not crazy with money, but I do fall short at times. Honestly, if I had not done all of these things, I probably would have my bill money. Or would I? Who knows. Playing the “what-if” game is like trying to catch the wind. It just doesn’t work.
Okay, I know what the Bible says. Philippians 4:19 says “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Okay I have need. Yes, my kitchen has food. I have utilities. But my car payment and credit card payment don’t take food in exchange. (Just curious, does anyone else worry like I do?) Oh, and my car does not run on squash either.
And then of course there is Matthew 25-26. “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Okay, I have clothes, I’ve already explained I have food, but . . . geez, this not worrying is tough. This is the hardest thing I do.
This is where my faith bogs down. I am a worrier about bills. It goes back to being homeless on more than one occasion. Yes, granted I was a drug addict, but still – my car is too small to sleep in with three dogs. I also had a Mother who was a worrier. We called her a worrywart. I know God could send a new client tomorrow and solve the problem. Actually, I am suppose to be seeing a new client but after talking to him, I doubt that the client has the money TOMORROW OR TUESDAY. So that means God has to do this Himself. Without my help. GRR!!
I can however read further in Matthew. Matthew 6:30 says “And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?” What – do I have little faith? No, I fairly decent faith on most. I do really well at trusting Him to solve my problems – an example of this was always knowing I would pass the bar or pass law school. But this money thing. That’s a toughie for me. So let’s read even further (verses 31-32) “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” I am acting like an unbeliever when I worry? What!?
Okay the problem is I know this in my head, but that is not reassuring me or the panicked feeling in my stomach. 1 Peter 5:7 says “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” I know He cares about me. I know He can do all things. So why am I doubting. So friends, I’m struggling with this. I am going to give it to Him. I will probably take it back from Him a thousand times, but I am going to keep giving it to me. I am also going to pray hard. And please, join me in praying. I mean, He’s only got 2 days.