Happy Birthday to Me!

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Me about 2 weeks ago

Yes today is my birthday. I am 54-years-young. For the most part I am happy with my life. That wasn’t always so. And of course, as with anyone who was abused and had chronic low self-esteem, well, I still have residuals.

For example, last night I was taking off my eye make-up and I realized I was beautiful. Probably for the first time was it finally internalized. It was one of those ah-ha moments. And I had several really dear friends call me and wish me an early Happy Birthday. I’ve even received one birthday present. But oh no, is Satan going to let me revel in my glory? Not a chance.

Last night as I was laying in bed Satan whispered in my ear what a colossal mess I am. How I haven’t done anything with my life and how I was alone. Now before you get up in arms and start telling me different, it was enough to make me cry for a moment and then realize it was garbage. I have done a lot. Maybe not as much as some but more than others. But it’s not even a race. That’s the sad part.

And I may not be in a relationship but I am far from alone. I have many dear friends. I have a great family. No, maybe I will never be in a relationship (I am seriously lousy at them) but really, I have a lot.

So this morning I decided to take inventory of my life. What have I done. I am not going to sit here and brag and tell you all, but let’s just say, I’m okay. Can I do better? Oh yes, I can do better.

  • What is the biggest regret of this year? That I don’t always have dog food in my car to give to the homeless with dogs.
  • What is my biggest accomplishment this year? Finishing law school [almost].
  • What is my biggest accomplishment of my life? Having four awesome children. 
  • What is my biggest professional goal for this year? Taking the bar and passing.
  • What is my biggest personal goal for this year? Losing 70 lbs.
  • What is my biggest mini-goal? To take a vacation with my daughter Sarah.
  • What is my biggest regret of my life? Believing the garbage that I was told about myself, that I was worthless and wouldn’t amount to anything.

So this year, to have it all, I must pass the bar, lose weight, take a vacation, and carry dog food in my car. Not bad goals for my 54th year.


About michellerap

Today I find my identity in God. I use to find my identity in externals, like motherhood, being a lawyer, etc. But that's not who I am. I am redeemed and wholly loved and precious in His sight. First and foremost, this is who I am. The other things are part of me, but they do not define me. God does. My job as a Christian is not to judge people but to show them the heart and hands of Christ. I am to show mercy and grace. And someday, when I am an attorney, I hope I can help those God puts in my path to find justice. I am a mother of four and a grandmother of nine. I am proud of each of them. I also have three dogs. I am lawyer who loves what I do. I am also Gluten-Free and any recipe I publish is GF. It's the only way I cook.
This entry was posted in Grateful, Self-Esteem, Thankfulness and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Happy Birthday to Me!

  1. Terry Reed says:

    Yes you are a beautiful person! God bless you as you achieve your goals!

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