Run Free Lincoln

IMG_2231This is an extremely short and personal blog as I am on a study abroad with an ipad and not a computer, so I am just sharing from the heart.
On Friday, October 5th, 2012, the dogs got out. Callie, being Callie, stayed behind. The rest went running. Lincoln didn’t make it back, he had a fatal date with a car.
Lincoln was broken like most of us. We all have our issues. Lincoln, all six pounds of him, liked to bite. He liked to jump in the air and bite people on the butt. If the person was tall he got their thighs.
I didn’t know when I adopted him that he was a biter. I didn’t know that he would die never completely gotten healed. I worked with him on this issue and we had some success, but not completely. Rather like humans.
I use to be quite OCD. It got better after I realized the cause. I was sexually abused and spent most of my life feeling dirty. So the germs represented me because I could never get clean. You can’t clean your mind or your heart or spirit. Only God can do that. I saw myself getting better little-by-little. I have always been a person God heals by increments, and not one He poofs on. I use to ask Him why He didn’t poof on me and He let me see, that for me, being poofeed on would not build the relationship I needed with Him. Having never had a loving earthly father, never having had a safe father, I needed to build a relationship with Him and poofing would not have allowed for that.
Recently I was in court and needed more hands so I stuck a paper clip in my mouth. That would never have happened before – it just shows how far I’ve come.
That’s like it was with Lincoln. No major poofs but baby-steps. Darn it, I miss that dog and wish I could have helped him heal more. I know he died secure and happy, I just wish I could have given him more. RUN FREE LINCOLN, I’LL SEE YOU AT THE BRIDGE.
Selah.
Namaste.

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About michellerap

Today I find my identity in God. I use to find my identity in externals, like motherhood, being a lawyer, etc. But that's not who I am. I am redeemed and wholly loved and precious in His sight. First and foremost, this is who I am. The other things are part of me, but they do not define me. God does. My job as a Christian is not to judge people but to show them the heart and hands of Christ. I am to show mercy and grace. And someday, when I am an attorney, I hope I can help those God puts in my path to find justice. I am a mother of four and a grandmother of nine. I am proud of each of them. I also have three dogs. I am lawyer who loves what I do. I am also Gluten-Free and any recipe I publish is GF. It's the only way I cook.
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